Tickling is a game often played with children, but it can make them feel helpless and out of control. Due to their inability to communicate or breathe properly while being tickled, children may be unable to ask you to stop. Their laughter, which may be mistaken as encouragement, does not necessarily mean they are having fun. Tickling, despite good intentions, can potentially harm a child and should be carefully considered. Tickling may elicit laughter quickly, but it doesn’t guarantee that your child is enjoying it. They may laugh and appear joyful because they can’t control themselves or express their discomfort. Tickling can have lasting effects on children, and they may not associate it with playfulness or a happy experience.
Insights from Research and Historical Perspectives
Tickling has a historical association with torture. For instance, during China’s Han Dynasty, tickling was used as a method of tormenting nobility due to its lack of visible marks and relatively quick recovery for the victim. In Japan, a specific term, “kusuguri-zeme,” meaning “merciless tickling,” was even coined for it. Research conducted by Vernon R. Wiehe from the University of Kentucky involved studying
150 adults who experienced sibling abuse during their childhoods. Many of the participants described tickling as a form of physical abuse. The study concluded that tickling can trigger severe physiological reactions, such as vomiting and loss of consciousness, due to the victim’s inability to breathe.
Patty Wipfler, a parenting expert and founder/director of the Hand in Hand organization, asserts that tickling during childhood is often a cause of emotional challenges that can persist into adulthood. She states, “In my many years of listening to adults talk about the emotional challenges of their lives as children, tickling comes up again and again as an experience that has been hurtful.” The resulting trauma may lead affected individuals to struggle with relaxation when others are nearby, feel insecure even when sleeping next to a trusted partner, and remain internally guarded during any non-casual physical contact with loved ones.
Here are a few reasons why assuming your child likes being tickled may be
problematic:
- Involuntary laughter: Children may giggle helplessly, even if they dislike being tickled. They cannot control their laughter, and it is not the same as laughing at a funny joke.
- Potential humiliation: Tickling can cause a loss of self-control, preventing children from expressing their desires or regaining control. This lack of agency can be humiliating for them, despite your good intentions.
- Medical complications: Continuous tickling can lead to uncontrollable laughter, difficulty speaking, and breathing problems for children. In severe cases, they may even lose consciousness. As they cannot communicate their distress, you may not realize they are in trouble.
- Trust issues: Tickling a child against their will, especially if they dislike it, can create long-lasting trust issues. They may associate tickling with physical abuse as they grow older, develop mistrust towards physical contact, and avoid crowded places due to fear of being touched.
The “Dos” of tickling:
- Stop when they say “no” or “stop it” or if they push you away.
- Ask for their consent beforehand, using phrases like “here come the tickles,” and
only proceed if they respond positively. - Tickle them lightly without applying excessive pressure.
Reference: Momjunction
Further reference: Momjunction Brightside
